i'm writing tonight on the night before our community leaves for hampi. it's 11 pm and i can't even imagine falling asleep in the near future- too much caffeine and anticipation has built up in my system for that. tonight we ventured to bangalore, a MASSIVE and chaotic city in the state of karnataka. at the end of the night i found myself sipping a diet coke (i never crave soda at home, but here i have started to for some reason), downing a cappuccino, and then eating a scoop of ice cream. with the trip to the wilderness of india on my mind, i felt the need to indulge in food delicacies i probably wouldn't get a hold of again for a while. this also includes pickles. and soft sub rolls. my dinner consisted of straight up caffeine and sugar and now i'm wired.

right now we are at fireflies ashram, about 20 km from bangalore. fireflies is an ashram run by a teddy bear of a man named siddhartha, who is one of the warmest, gentlest people i have had the pleasure of meeting. the ashram is non-secular and encourages only one guru- the earth. there is only one temple/shrine-like area on the property and it is of sita, who is one of the forms of the goddess, AKA lakshmi. she is regarded as the daughter of mother earth and is celebrated here for her earthiness. the ashram land is adorned with countless statues carved on-site by locals and residents of the ashram. there is one large carving of shiva with a plant shaped as his trident (earthy take on shiva), one with a beautiful rumi(a sufi poet) quote, and another half-finished one of gandhi.

it is here that i have played countless rounds of games like phase ten (last night's game was intense- someone almost got stabbed with a pencil and everyone apparently heard us yelling/goading each other on) and scrabble, raided siddhartha's library of obscure and indian literary gems (i'm reading about 1. predicting weather and 2. the teachings of don juan), practiced yoga on the rooftops of several buildings, learned the best bollywood movie dance moves, ate wonder bread and black tea for breakfast, and led (with the help of alyssa and nealy) a full moon ceremony. under the light of the full moon and some small candles on thursday night we gathered around sita's statue to talk about the lunar cycles, vision quests in hampi, and labyrinths as metaphors for sorting out issues in our lives. alyssa drew a giant, tree-shaped labyrinth in chalk on the floor, nealy talked about hindu and pagan lunar cycles and symbols, and i explained the importance of vision quests (a tradition in some native american cultures, like the lakotas) and led a guided meditation. i wasn't really sure it went well- people were quiet a lot of the time and my voice shook sometimes as i read the meditation scipt aloud, but everyone seemed appreciative in the end. siddhartha patted me on the back and thanked me and smiles flashed over the faces of several of those quiet people in the circle. in the end it seemed like it was a successful first attempt at a full moon celebration.

besides this, i guess it was KIND OF fun to climb a mountain in tiru. actually... it kicked ass. it took us about five hours in total to climb mount arunachala, which is believed to be the body of shiva. we vowed on the way up to remain silent for the entire ascent, which worked well for the first half... until i irreverently broke my vow when we reached the steepest, rockiest part of the ascent. i wiped the sweat from my face and let out a string of exhausted curses. from then on i had to talk to those climbing with me for some support, because that dash up the moment was quite breathtaking in more than one sense. it felt soooo good to reach the top though. i still felt it was worth it even after the scorching hot sunshine that zapped the energy out of me during the descent.

as i sit here i am having trouble recounting what has gone on over the past couple of weeks. we leave this place of relaxation and idealism tomorrow to go to the place i have anxiously awaited the most. hampi sits on a golden pedestal surrounded by kittens and warm mugs of dark roast coffee in my mind. some part of me keeps thinking, "what if it isn't all that great?" this part is about the size of my left big toe, but it's still there and my body becomes aware of its function from time to time. i realize this discomfort is healthy, but it's hard because i just want to get moving when i feel this way- and i know i have a long day of travel ahead of me. tomorrow we'll be traveling overnight by train, riding in motorboats across a river, and then hiking out with very little materials to an island. we will stay on that island for a week, during which we will do our solo. i can't wait to get there. the larger part of me knows i will glow with excitement once i finally reach the place i've been dreaming of for months now.